Someone had to do it. Someone had to step up. It had to be done. Shut up, yes it did.
This is one of the photos that came up when I searched for “gum” on the WordPress stock photo gallery. I thought I would share my confusion with you. Maybe the cat is named Gum? Maybe there’s gum in the plastic thing hanging from the ceiling? Is that gum in the glass case to the right? Looks more like cigars or….
Let’s move on with the review!
Yellow
Banana-ish. Soft and delicious for three minutes. Is now becoming the consistency of a gym shoe.
Purple
Grape Triaminic. Juicy. Began to solidify in less than 30 seconds. Flavor wasn’t even gone yet.
Blue
Wow. Wow. This seems to be what an alien thinks blue raspberry tastes like. Nothing in real life tastes like this. Seems to have instantly transformed into one of those blue gum erasers artists use, except it tastes worse.
White
This is the flavor of… sugar? Failed coconut? Coating is a bit crispy. Highly resistant to chewing.Taking a break. Jaw hurts. But must continue on to maintain journalistic integrity!
Orange
This clearly wants to taste like an orange. I am chewing a broken dream. Feels like sand is in there. Wow. 30 seconds and its so hard I can’t make my top and bottom molars meet without grinding. Didn’t even notice when the flavor vanished.
Green
Exterior looks mottled. Flavor is… what is this? Not apple. Not watermelon. The bitter aftertaste makes it difficult to tell. Chewing for three minutes and it’s still soft. Perhaps poor flavor increases softness? Gum feels… warm. Is that normal? Rigor kicked in at 7 minutes. Now my mouth tastes like I just chewed a balloon.
Last gumball. Sides of my head hurt from chewing.
Pink
Mother of God. This isn’t an aftertaste. It’s a before-taste. I could taste it in my nose before my mouth. Makes my throat feel raspy. Slight coughing. Juicy, but somehow caustic. Instantly solidified. Have to take breaks every 5 or 6 chews. Jaw muscles are throbbing. This could be it….
Overall Score…
8 out of 10. Will chew again. 🙂
Frankenlog 
This was hilarious.
As for the cat picture, I’m 90% sure it’s the box from the ceiling that has the gum.
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That’s my guess too.
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Made me actually lol! Well done. But where is red?!
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There was no red in the giant tube of Dubble Bubble! Maybe they just have pink?
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Edward DeBonno had the six thinking hats. Brian Hazard goes for the seven gruelling gumballs.
For the review to take flight, why not attach a mood or activity to each colour? The gumball you like the least has to be chewed until the most hated task is accomplished.
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Fun AND torture!
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Nothing quite compares to the gum that came in a pack of Garbage Pail Kids cards. Serious.
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Ugh! No way man that stuff was nasty! I mean I’m not saying I wouldn’t chew it again. I totally would.
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Brian, haven’t chewed gum in two decades. Thank you for reinforcing that decision. You are a hero to the common person. And Everytime I pass a gumball machine, I will imagine you chewing gum with a disappointed look on your face.
-Thanks, Karl
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I remember this! Very good!
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